Well, it finally happened. After months of posting shooting stats about how the Bucks don’t really have anybody on the roster who has been a good shooter in recent years (with the exception of Tyrone Lue), the telephone rang. It was Scott Skiles, calling just hours after questioning the motivation of his Milwaukee Bucks in FoxSports postgame interviews Sunday.
Skiles: J-Mo, did you see that Laker game?
J-Mo: What game, what are you talking about?
Skiles: The Lakers, we played ’em Sunday. It was on the the toob. Jack Nicholson was sitting next to Mark Harmon.
J-Mo: I didn’t see you playing anybody on Sunday. I saw the Lakers dunking the ball a lot but I didn’t see anybody exactly playing them. But I did see Nicholson yawning. There was a guy sitting next to him and it looked like the guy who played Ted Bundy in that thrilling 1986 made-for-TV movie “The Deliberate Stranger.”
Skiles: Yeah, that’s the guy. Gave me the creeps. …. (silence). Maybe my Bucks were a little spooked out by that, and Nicholson too.
J-Mo: No, they were reacting to Michael Redd’s defense.
Skiles: Yeah, I know. Mark Harmon would probably have done a better job. He used to play football, I’m told … So what are you doing tomorrow?
J-Mo: De-icing my sidewalk and getting snowed on. The city of Milwaukee’s being vigilant about the shoveling this winter. And we haven’t even had a bad snow yet.
Skiles: While I acknowledge the importance of that project, how’d you like to come to Phoenix and shoot the basketaball?
J-Mo: Phoenix? Sounds great. Errr … what’s the catch?
Skiles: You might have to play some defense.
J-Mo: Defense? You gotta be kidding? I’m like that kid in Hoosiers, Ray, who gets benched for shooting at will. And what’s with this defensive focus of yours – you didn’t even play defense back in the day.
Skiles: Yeah but at least I tried. If I hadn’t, no way I could get on Shaq’s case. And I could always hit a shot. My guys can’t hit anything.
J-Mo: So why don’t you and Lionel Hollins suit up? Hollins owes the Bucks that, going all the way back to the 1981 playoffs when those Sixers of is stole the conference semis from us.
Skiles: That’s just not done. You come here and shoot, pretend to play D, and we’ll be OK.
Skiles: I’m glad you can finally admit that. What’s it taken, 20-some years?
J-Mo: You scared me with that defense threat. What do I look like, Kobe Bryant?
Skiles: No, and I’m in a hotel in Phoenix, I can’t look at you at all. Don’t want to anyway, really. But I do need to see a rainbow jumper out of this Bucks team at least once this season. That’s not really asking a lot.
J-Mo: Lionel Hollins, he’s your man. You’ve had the secret weapon coaching on your bench this entire time and never knew it. The coaches have been better shooters than the players all along, and they’re motivated. Put coach Hollins in there and you’ve got a threat.
Skiles: I suppose … he does have more NBA experience than you do.
J-Mo: I don’t have any, so why do I shoot the basketball better than your Bucks?
Skiles: Because you have no conscience.
J-Mo: And Michael Redd does? I’d trade him for Mark Harmon.
Skiles: Me t-# [The phone clicks, sizzles and a high pitched wavering feedback sound forces J-Mo (that’s me) to scratch his ear.}
Voice breaks in: Scott, time to shut it down.
Skiles: Boss, I was only …
GM John Hammond: Shut it down Scott. You’ve entered into the forbidden zone.
Skiles: But I didn’t say any-…
Hammond: Coach Skiles has to get off the phone now. Have a pleasant day.